


Rescue Dog

by Jason_Silver



Series: Kiss Me Kill Me, Hurt Me Heal Me [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentions of Past Murders, Past Child Abuse, Poor Reid is just so traumatized, Recovery, good guy Hotch, he's trying his best, sexual slavery in the past, torture in the past, unsub!Gideon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:26:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27694109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jason_Silver/pseuds/Jason_Silver
Summary: Note: Although this is part of a series each work can be read independently, they are part of the same timeline but if you want to skip all the horrible things Gideon does to Spencer this fic is all about Spencer's road to recovery.The case of a missing college boy named Spencer Reid crosses his desk and he doesn't think twice about it, a year later Aaron Hotchner discovers that Jason Gideon, the darling of the FBI, has been abducting and killing boys under his nose for years. The last thing he expected was to find Spencer Reid alive in Gideon's secret cabin chained up, naked, and quite traumatized.Spencer had come accept his life as Gideon's pet until one day Gideon tells him he has to go away for awhile and he's leaving Spencer in the care of his good friend Aaron. Spencer's world is turn upside down as he tries to figure out if this is just another one of Gideon's games or if he's really been recused.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Jason Gideon/Spencer Reid
Series: Kiss Me Kill Me, Hurt Me Heal Me [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025119
Comments: 53
Kudos: 233





	1. Prologue

This phone call is the hardest thing Jason Gideon ever had to do in his life. When he took Spencer Reid a year ago he thought he could keep him forever. But he had to know that wouldn’t be true. He worked with the best profilers in the word and no matter how hard he tried to cover his tracks all the murders of the past were bound to catch up with him sometime.

He’s gone out to get fresh produce from the farmers market in town, leaving Spencer at home working on making the pizza dough from scratch just like he’d been taught when he got the text.

‘They know.’

Jason sits down on a park bench to think about everything. Taking Spencer from his college campus had been impulsive and reckless unlike every other murder he’d committed which had all been meticulously planed. It had been worth the risk. Now the scars Gideon had left on him outnumber those that Spencer’s father had left growing up and he knew Spencer liked it that way. It had taken some time and lots of patience but Spencer came to love Gideon in his own way. He accepted that Gideon liked to hurt him, needed to hurt him, and even came to enjoy it sometimes.

He dials the home number both wishing he could be there to explain this all to his perfect boy and glad he isn’t so he doesn’t have to see Spencer’s face.

“I’m going away for a little while Spencer, my good friend Aaron Hotchner is going to take care of you, you have to obey him like obey me do you understand?”

“Yes Sir.” Spencer sounds small and frightened but he knows better than to talk back.

“I adore you Spencer never forget that and-“ He paused for a brief moment still not sure what he was about to say next was the truth, “I will come back for you.”

He doesn’t give Spencer time to ask questions, he just hangs up and ditches the phone in the nearest trashcan. For a fleeting moment he thinks of taking Spencer with him. He’s probably well trained enough to manage it and Gideon can already feel a Spencer shaped hole in his life thinking of leaving without him but -

For the past couple of months he’s started to regret taking Spencer Reid, not because the boy isn’t perfect in every single way but because for once in his cold hearted life Jason Gideon feel remorse.

And there’s another feeling, one he gets when he watches Spencer curled up in an armchair with his head in a book, the golden light of the dying sun playing along his scared and bruised skin. A feel that wells up in him on the nights he allows Spencer to sleep in his bed, when Spencer wraps himself around Gideon as if trying to push them closer and closer till their very atoms collide. A feel he’d think to describe as love if he thought himself capable of such an emotion.

Despite his promise it remains to be seen if he will return for the boy or not, will affection or remorse win out in the end?


	2. Aaron Hotchner, Knight in Shinning Armor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I Have this dream that I am hitting my dad with a baseball bat and he's screaming and crying for help, and maybe halfway through it has more to do with me killing him than it ever did protecting myself.” - The Front Bottoms ‘Father’

Aaron wakes up from the dream drenched in sweat and clutching his right arm. It takes him a moment to re-orient himself to the world. It's not logical but he swears he can feel throbbing were the spiral fracture in his arm was. It's long since healed but sometimes he can still feel it when it's cold out, or when he wake up from that oh so familiar dream. He'd thought that by now there would be plenty of other horrors to fill his nightmares. He takes a few deep breaths before turning on the lights still slightly terrified he'll see his father standing in the doorway.

Hotch busy himself changing the sheets and finding a spare blanket that isn't cover in his sweat. He settles back down but the second he closes his eyes he can see it again. The cast on his arm is dripping with blood and his father lays motionless on the kitchen floor.

Of corse the old man hadn't died that day, but it had been the last time he'd hit Aaron. And the first time he hit Aaron's mother.

The case of a missing 20 year old college student comes across his desk. He hates these ones, he makes a few notes to check out what he believes is the most likely suspect, a chemistry teacher, but there's nothing more he can do. It's not serial, it's not linked to anything else in the area. It's only on his desk because the professor who reported the kid missing has ties with the FBI. It's been three weeks and local law enforcement can't even find a record of the last place the kid was 24 hours before his disappearance. They probably won't find him and if they do it will be his body, Aaron knows it in his gut. He closes the case file and tells himself there's nothing he can do.

* * *

6 months later that same professor is still making calls to his office, he's got some other cases he thinks might be linked but they are all over the county, sporadic, and some even already attributed to other killers. Different weapons, different motives, different places, the only thing that seems to link them is they all look something like Spencer Reid and they all involve torture. He's seen this before, someone gets it in their head that the death of their loved one must be special, must be connected to something larger. They go looking for patterns and of course they find them. He tells Professor Buch he'll look into and he can tell the man doesn't believe him but he has the case files (or at least those he'd manage to get local law enforcement to give him a look at) sent over. Aaron promises himself he'll look at them on the plane ride after their next case but he fails to keep the promise.

* * *

Spencer Reid has been missing for 8 months, he's presumed dead. Professor Buch lost his tenure when he started showing up to class drunk. He tried to present Reid's case to the class disclosing classified law enforcement information and breaking almost every rule. He doesn't call Aaron any more, hasn't in a while, but Aaron's been keeping tabs on him. It's sad to see a mind like that go to waste. But there's something nagging him about the case, it's in the back of his mind. He pulls up the photo of Spencer Reid and the small case file with little details of his life.

* * *

Spencer Reid has been missing for 9 months and Aaron Hotchner is standing in front of the Rose Killer and he's absolutely certain this man didn't kill Adam Long, one of the victims professor Buch had linked to Spencer’s Reid’s death. Aaron’s taken his day off to drive up to the prison to see him. It was the linch pin of Professor Bach’s whole theory, a killer who copied the crimes of others to hide his own. Of course The Rose Killer boasts and raves about all the things he did to Adam but he's getting details wrong. Adam Long's death was a devolution, it was messier, the torture lasted longer, he was raped six times. These are things the man wouldn't forget. He's standing in front of the The Rose Killer wondering how many more there are and if Spencer Reid is one of them.

* * *

Spencer Reid has been missing for 10 months and one corner of Hotch's apartment looks like some crazy conspiracy theorist bunker, maybe a little more organized than that. David always told him that the divorce would hit him eventually but he didn't expect that half a year later it would manifest in an obsession over some elusive killer he's not sure even exist. If he does exist it's bad, it's so bad he can't bring the rest of the team in on this till he knows more. If this killer exist he's with the FBI, he's been following Aaron's team, he's been copying other killers and disappearing boys for over 15 years. He's meticulous, any evidence he leaves behind points to someone else. Spencer Reid's chemistry teacher is rotting in a cell somewhere, Professor Buch died a week ago in a drunk driving accident, and Hotch has been showing up late to work looking more tired than he's ever felt in his life.

* * *

Spencer Reid has been missing for one year, Gideon's on leave and Aaron wishes he could have Gideon's eyes on this, he needs a fresh mind to untangle the web. He's sure it's someone in upper management and Hotch has been stalking the halls of the FBI building staring at everyone he passes and wondering if that's him. But Gideon's specifically told him not to contact him for anything, it was a rough case involving bombings, they caught the guy but still ... Gideon's even left his cell phone and he's gone off to that cabin of his that he thinks Aaron doesn't know about. So he calls the rest of the team in. First he has Garcia sweep the room for bugs and secure it. They're all at the table looking puzzled and slightly annoyed.

He takes a deep breath and starts presenting Spencer Reid’s case to the group.

Aaron Hotchner is staring at the seemingly innocent drawing of blue jay that was found in Spencer Reid’s dorm room when it hits him.

It's Gideon.

For a moment after all the pieces fall into place he says nothing. Morgan and Rossi have their heads together looking between the board and the pile of boxes of unsolved cases trying to figure out if there are any more victims. Emily is pacing around in the corner waiting for one of her contacts to pick up. Garcia brought her laptop in to be with the rest of the team and she's tracking law enforcement personal who had contact with the cases. The room is awash in nervous energy they can all feel that they're close, Morgan has the school photo of what is believed to be the last victim, Spencer Reid, at the top of the board. They aren't sure if he's dead or alive this unsub has never held a victim before. But there's no body and he's been dormant for a whole year. They know he tortures his victims for as long as they will hold out, they know he has intimate knowable of law enforcement, they know he gets off on the control.

When he presented Spencer Reid's case Rossi gave him a look telling Hotchner he'd heard that little hitch in his voice when he said the boys name. No one will say it but they know the college student is probably dead and dissolved like the others. But that's what he loves about his team, they aren't going to give up, they will either rescue this Reid kid or get him and all the others justice. He'd been filled with overwhelming gratitude when no one laughs him off or calls him crazy. But now he just feels hollow.

He doesn't want to say it out loud and for a few moments he hopes against hope someone else will come to the same conclusion and he won't have to be the one who accuses Jason Gideon, founder of the BAU, one of Rossi's dearest friends and his as well although not that he wants to admit that now.

"It's Gideon."

When he speaks everyone turns. Morgan's face is full of shock, Rossi's anger and disbelief that he would ever say something like that, Garcia is confused, JJ sits back foundling her arm and he can see all the same clues click into place for her. Emily puts the phone down and before anyone else can speak to deny it she says,

"And his plane just landed in Russia.”

The car ride is near silent. Morgan wanted to drive but one icy look from Hotch and he backed off. JJ took shotgun leaving Morgan and Rossi in the back. He doesn’t know how to thank JJ for her tactical silence. Emily and Garcia stayed behind trying to track Gideon abroad. He feels a little bad leaving Emily there to explain to Strauss when she finds out but they all knew she’d try to pull them from the case and that just can’t happen.

Besides Hotch is the only person who knows the location of Gideon’s secret cabin in the woods.

He’s doesn’t realize he’s gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles are turning white until JJ lays a hand over his. He eases up nodding his thanks at her.

He just keeps telling himself that they are going to find Spencer Reid’s body because if he allows himself to get his hopes up that the kid is alive … it will break him. He has his resignation letter tucked away in a desk drawer ready to pull out when this is all over. It happened on his watch, in his team, it’s his responsibility and he’ll see this through but he knows no matter the outcome this is the end of his career. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind a little voice won’t stop saying ‘I know he’s alive.’

The morning sun is just peaking up over the trees when they pull up to the house. He parks the car well out of sight and they approach on foot.

No one argues when he takes point, he motions for Morgan and Rossi to take the back, they are pretty sure no one’s here but they can’t take any chances. This is Jason Gideon’s home field. Best profiler he knows and one of the most prolific serial killers he’s ever met.

The door is locked and JJ keeps lookout as he picks it quietly.

It’s so ordinary looking, just a cozy cottage in the woods. Filled with books, souvenirs from cases, plush furniture, scenic views. Pictures of birds.

He can hear humming coming from the right and he motions JJ to follow him. The smell of fresh cooking fills the air as they creep quietly towards the kitchen. They stop flanking the entrance to the kitchen. He can see someone moving around. He looks at JJ and nods.

“FBI turn around slowly and put your hands on your head” 

The boy drops the spatula he’s holding and spins around quickly. He’s clearly startled to see a guns pointed at him and slowly raises his hands.

He’s thin, a large purple bruise blossoms along his right cheek, his hair is longer and well kept pulled back into a pony tail. He’s naked save the small apron and metal collar that is bolted to the kitchen wall via a chain. Hotch can see all manor of other marks, scrapes, cuts, welts, along his thin frame.

But it’s unmistakable Spencer Reid. 


	3. Rescue?

“Are you Aaron Hotchner?” When the boy speaks his voice is quiet and he keeps his eyes down cast flicking up now and again to eye the guns nervously.

"Spencer?" Aaron's voice nearly breaks and from the look that JJ shoots him she's taken note that he used the boy's first name rather than his last or his full. It's a bad habit and anyone who looks too hard at him will know instantly he's grown too close to this case to see clearly. That's why he had to keep it secret for so long, he knew he'd be taken off of it and sometime between when he first saw Spencer Reid's high school graduation photo and Professor Bach's death he'd vowed to him self he'd be the one to find Spencer's body.

"Yes," the boy looks at him almost annoyed, "Are you Aaron Hotchner?" he repeats. All Hotch can do is nod slowly, next to him JJ is keeping a sharp eye out for any hidden traps or weapons the boy might have but the last thing they expect is for Reid to fall gracefully to his knees, hands folded in his lap and head bowed. 

Rossi and Morgan appear in the doorway behind the boy both of their eyes going wide in shock as they take in the sight of him and his current position. Before he can think Aaron holsters his gun and kneels down next to Spencer and the boy finally looks him in the eyes for the first time. 

"Would it be okay if we get you out of here Spencer?” He keeps his voice low and soft, resisting the urge to reach out and touch Spencer. Morgan and JJ are more apt at dealing with victims that have been abused this long. He feels like any wrong move he makes might shatter the boy.

"Out?" Spencer repeats confused. He looks around not meeting anyone else's eyes, probably searching for Gideon. "Is it? Is that allowed?" He whispers almost as if he's trying to make sure no one else hears him.

"Yes." It's all he can manage, he wants to tell Spencer of course that's allowed, he wants to wrap his arms around the boy and reassure himself this is real. But he can see it will take time to coax Spencer out of what ever headspace he’s need to be in to survive this long. The boy doesn’t even believe he’s being rescued yet.

"I suppose if you say I can." Spencer seems to falter a little in a submissive demeanor, he keeps glancingat Hotch suspiciously.

"I'd like to take you out of here if that's okay with you?" Aaron rephrases it purposefully to give Spencer the choice here. The boy nods once quickly and he accepts Aaron's outstretched hand to help him to his feet. A loud clanging noise reminds him that first they have to deal with the chain.

Morgan volunteers to go find some bold cutters after Aaron asks Spencer about a key and he just shrugs saying Gideon always kept it on him. Thankfully Spencer will let Aaron get close enough to him to inspect the collar, he doesn't think Morgan's bolt cutter idea is going to work for that but at the very least they need to free Spencer from the wall.

"The cooking will burn." Spencer's voice is small again and when Aaron looks at him he flinches and takes a step backwards. JJ takes it upon herself to turn the stovetop off and remove the frying pan, Spencer's eyes stick on it and he looks like he's about to say something but he swallows it down.

Hotch slips his FBI jacket off his shoulders and holds it out to Spencer. The boy gives him another strange look like he'd just handed Spencer a cuckoo.

"Will you put this on?" Hotch nudges a little and inwardly curses himself that he didn't ask Morgan to find some pants while he was at it. Spencer just keeps staring at him like it's the most absurd thing in the word but when Hotch thrust the jacket towards him a little bit more insistently Spencer takes it without question.

Watching Spencer try to put on the jacket is agony, the boy doesn't have much rang of motion in his left arm and from Hotch's ammeter diagnosis he'd say it's been dislocated more than once and recently. When he steps forward to help Spencer lets him and Hocth tries very hard to make sure he doesn't accidentally brush against the boys skin.

"I'm calling the ambulance." JJ steps up and Hotch is glad to let her as all his energy is going into watching Spencer, alive, breathing, in front of him he doesn't even have a thought to spare for what's next. 

Thankfully Morgan comes bonding back in, mercifully with bolt cutters in one hand and a pair of pants in the other. Hotch could fucking kiss him for having a better grasp on the situation than he does.

"Hey kid." Morgan puts on his best non threatening smile and approaches, holding the pants out and taking very slow deliberate steps towards him. Spencer flinches away and nearly collides with Hocth who's standing too close to him. "It's okay, I just want to give you these, think you can put them on for me?"

Spencer spares a glance at Aaron who nods. Its seems that's all it takes for Spencer to snatch the pants from Morgan's hands and shuffle as far away from him as Aaron and the chain will allow. Hocth takes a few steps back to trying to give the boy room realizing he must be feeling caged with everyone surrounding him.

"There's no one else here, we'll have to get crime techs to do a sweep but I don't think we're going to find bodies buried in the backyard, Gideon's too smart for that." Morgan hands Hotch the cutters and backs up giving them room.

Aaron turns around in time to get a glimpse of Spencer easing the pants over the welts and bruises on his ass, the boy winces but he takes it without making a sound. This next part might be tricky.

"Spencer I'm going to get that chain off you now." He says slow and deliberate. The boy's eyes go wide at the sight of the implement in Hotch's hands but he holds himself completely still. Keeping an eye on Spencer for any sign he's about to crumple Hotch cuts the chain off as close to Spencer's collar as he thinks the boy will allow.

Spencer still doesn't move from his corner despite being freed. His hand briefly come up to finger the cut end of the chain but one look form Hotch and it's back at his side, fist clenching and unclenching. He doesn't seem to know what to do with his hands, the pants are too big for him and they keep trying to slide down and he keeps moving them back up and he's fidgeting slightly and the amount of anxiety and uneasiness rolling off him is making Aaron's head spin.

"Here." Morgan steps forward again removing his belt, Spencer's eyes snap to it and he's on his knees again instantly but this time he's shaking.

"Please no, it's okay ... I can be good ... just tell me what to do please, you don't need to - I can learn - you don't need to do that!” He's looking up at Aaron with big round eyes on the verge of tears all of a sudden.

"Spencer, Spencer." Aaron sinks to his knees again with the boy and when he reaches out a hand for comfort Spencer launches himself at him. Every instinct in Aaron braces for a fight but the boy just slots himself into his out stretched arms, gripping his shirt and burring his head in his shoulder sobbing. "It's okay Spencer, it's okay I promise no one is ever going to hurt you ever again.”

————————

Spencer doesn't know what kind of game this Aaron Hotchner is playing and he HATES not knowing the rules. Is it a test of his loyalties? He recognizes the rest of Gideon's team surrounding him, perhaps they think they're on a rescue mission, but Spencer knows better than that. Even if some of these people are completely innocent it doesn't mean he can just drop all the lessons Gideon has spend so many hours painstakingly teaching him.

But Gideon's never brought anyone else into their games. He's never given Spencer any indication that his team might be aware of Gideon's proclivities or Spencer's existence. Yet here they are in Gideon's house, his mind is reeling trying to take everything in. It's been so long since he's had to keep track of more than one person in the room and he doesn't like having those two agents behind him but he's cornered and there's no where to go and nothing to do but play along. He decides to focus in on the only two things he knows for certain.

One he must obey Aaron Hotchner like his life depends on it because it probably does.

Two under no circumstances is Aaron Hotchner to be trusted, he could believe that everyone else here thinks they are rescuing him but at the very least both him and the dark haired agent staring down at him with that sharp look in his eyes know the truth.

Gideon is a harsh master, he demands perfection and loves hurting Spencer whether he's deserved it or not but looking at the man next to him he aches for Gideon to return before he as to learn what fresh horrors this man has in store for him. 

Spencer tells himself all of this but still the moment Agent Morgan pulls out the belt no doubt ready to thrash him for any manner of things he's done wrong since they all entered the house Spencer flings himself into Aaron Hotchner's arms. The man is reluctant but Spencer just keeps clinging to him and eventually those strong arms close around him and lets his guard down just a touch. At the very least Hotchner will hold him like Gideon does and that has to be enough for now to get him through what ever happens next.


	4. Spencer Reid Hates Doctors

By the time the EMT’s arrive everyone’s given up on trying to extract the sobbing boy from Hotch’s arms and Hotch is just endlessly thankful that they managed to get him clothed before all hell broke loose. The two female EMT’s barely manage to conceal their shock and Spencer only buries himself further into Hotch’s arms when they try to approach.

“Spencer these people need to take a look at you, we’re going to get you to a hospital and get you checked out okay?” The boy does’t budge. Very aware of everyone’s eyes on him Hotch decides if they are going to get anywhere he needs to … well he needs to start acting like Spencer clearly expects him to. “Can you get up for me?” He can’t quite bring himself to phrase it like an order but it seems to do the trick. Spencer rises with him as long as Hocth’s hands are there to keep him steady. He tries to hand Spencer off to the EMT’s who are waiting with puzzled looks on their faces, but the boy clings to him.

They manage an awkward slow walk towards the door with Spencer clutching Hotch and looking back over his shoulder every few seconds. Despite the fact that they found him standing Spencer clearly has trouble walking. He can see the EMT’s watching them closely, one of them keeping an eye on Spencer’s right leg which seems to be the most unsteady.

When they reach the door Hocth can sense there’s about to be another meltdown. Spencer’s shaking increases ten fold and he’s practically leaning all his weight on Hotch looking at the door like it’s a bear that might attack him.

“It’s okay, we’re going outside now.” Hotch nudges him another inch forward and thankfully Spencer goes with him. They make slow progress but progress none the less all the way up to the threshold. Spencer stops dead and no amount of gentle tugging will get him to budge.

“Come on, it’s okay.” Hotch takes one step out the door and with Spencer clinging to him so tightly the boy is practically dragged, his feet still firmly planted on the other side of the door.

“It’s not allowed.” He finally chokes out.

“I’m allowing it.” Hotch replies before he can even think it through. And with one last look over his shoulder Spencer steps over the threshold.

Hocth has to cary him with his lack of shoes and the state of his feet it’s the best solution and Spencer doesn’t seem to mind even though Hotch feels guilt sing through him at the way he lets Spencer cling to him; at the fact that he holds Spencer a little tighter than necessary. Once in the vehicle Spencer goes all tense and shifty again, he doesn’t seem to know where to look and every little thing has to be coaxed out of him. Just from the state of the boy they instantly want to start him on a IV and that requires taking off the jacket, which Hotch has to tell him is okay, and Spencer practically screaming at the sight of the needle startling everyone, once again it’s only when Hotch tells him it’s okay that he can manage to even look at it.

“What’s in it?” Spencer squeaks out and then cowers as if he expects to be hit.

They find through trial and error that the best way to calm Spencer down, without inadvertently playing the same role as his captor and ordering him about, is by telling him every little detail of what’s going on. The EMT’s catch on quickly and join in, telling him the chemical makeup and percentages of water that’s in the IV. The blond haired EMT seems to pick things up quicker and she holds Spencer attention on his right arm talking about veins and the way the circulatory system works. This allows the other to get close enough to inspect Spencer’s right shoulder which she confirms Hotch’s suspicions that it had been dislocated. The whole ride is a tense bumpy nightmare but just the fact that Spencer is allowing other to touch him is so much progress, still Hocth dreads what will happen when they reach the hospital.

Getting Spencer to lay in the gurney is difficult and he still won’t let got of his hand so Hocth has to go with them. He’s informed that as Spencer seems in no immediate danger he’ll be given a room and they’ll send a nurse to do his check in as soon as possible.

If he thought Spencer reacted badly to his team it gets so much worse as they enter the brightly lit hospital full of people bustling about. Spencer goes white as a sheet and looks ready to bolt out of his bed any second. Hotch keeps telling him it’s okay over and over and over again praying that Spencer doesn’t do something stupid because he knows they’ll have to restrain him. Hotch’s presence and words seems to be enough that they make it to the room without incident. Spencer is transferred to the bed and they leave him and Hocth alone in a blessedly quiet room.

Spencer still hasn’t let got of his hand but he has enough leeway to pull up the chair as close to Spencer’s bed as possible.

“It’s going to be okay, I promise.” Hocth just keeps repeating because he doesn’t know what else to say. He rubs his fingers over Spencer’s hand and Spencer squeezes back, he’s not meeting Hotch’s eyes again but the fact that he isn’t trying to climb out of the bed, well it’s a start at least. For a quiet moment he allows himself to study Spencer face, some of his curls have sprung free from the hair tie and they fall around his face obscuring his eyes as he keeps them downcast.

“Do you know what year it is Spencer?”

The boy nods slowly glancing up and back down again.

“Do you remember when you first met Gideon?”

“One year, three months, and six days ago, March 12th. It was 3pm.” He says quietly. Hotch’s heart sinks, the boy has been counting every moment since he was kidnapped and this whole time his file had been laying on Hotch’s desk and he’d done nothing NOTHING for MONTHS. “Did I say something wrong?” Spencer quakes brining Hocth back to the moment and realizing Spencer must have seen the anger that crossed his face.

“Never, never. I’m not angry with you Spencer I’m angry with myself.” He decides honesty might help. “You should never had to go through the things you went through.”

Spencer doesn’t have a reply for that he just scoots a little closer to Hotch.

When the nurse arrives the whole nightmare begins again. Spencer flinches from every touch, he jumps at any noises made, but with Hotch’s stern guidance and the nurses naturally chatty attitude they get him hooked up to a heart rate and blood pressure monitor. She confirms what the EMT’s said, that Spencer doesn’t seem ready to collapse. There are very few open wounds and most have been tended to very carefully. His left arm is definitely sore and his right knee looks like it’s suffered a lot of tissues and muscle damage, there’s signs that his limbs have atrophied and been brought back to health multiple times. But he’s well feed despite being so skinny, they take bloodwork but the nurse seems hopeful it will show he’s in good health.

It’s difficult to keep himself in check every time a new injury is revealed to him. The urge to hunt Gideon down and put a bullet in his head is growing, laws be damed. There are small white scars caused from the blade of a sharp knife or scalpel all over his body. Burn marks as well on his hands and chest. Distressingly some, like the burn on his shoulder and the scars on his side, are older than a year, probably from childhood. Hotch bites his tongue the urge to hunt down and brutally murder every person who’s ever laid a hand on this boy is almost overwhelming.

Then there’s his back, some are fresh others are old but Hotch has seen enough to know those welts and the ridged edges of the flesh on Spencer’s back means he’d been whipped. Many times over the course of a year. His feet has received some of the worse treatment, three of his toes had been broken and not set properly, the soles of his feet had been beaten and the nurse seems the most concerned that there could still be a fracture that wasn’t quite healed. X-rays were ordered for practically every part of his body.

Then there was his legs, most of the worse scars and bruises concentrated there and his … backside. If Hotch had to guess from both the familiar marks and the way he reacted to Morgan’s belt he’d been whipped with one often. And probably a cane, and probably god knows what else.

The abominable collar still sits on his neck, there’s callouses around his collarbone where it had rubbed the skin raw over and over again till it built up enough scar tissue. The nurse can clearly been informed about it and had brought a small device. She approached the collar telling Spencer in her light sing song voice.

“Now let’s get this thing off you.”

He shrunk back from her touch, scooting up the bed as far as it would go. He looked around wildly like a cornered animal clutching at the collar as if to protect himself.

“Can we leave if for now?” Aaron pleaded. He hated it, he hated seeing it on Spencer, a stark reminder of the kinds of things he’d endured. But he could sense from the way Spencer trembled that he was headed straight for panic town and there was still so much left to do.

X-rays taken and the doctor finally arrives to look Spencer over. The boy seems to have settled down enough to let yet another person look him over but Aaron can tell under the calm it’s taking a toll on him. He looks perpetually on the precipice of panic or collapse.

The doctor suggests a sedative to help Spencer sleep and that’s the first good idea Aaron’s ever heard but it’s what finally sends Spencer over the edge. He changes from nervous to all out crying in a second scrambling away from the doctor with the needle, right off the bed into Hotch’s arms before either can stop him.

“No, please you don’t have to do that I can be good!” Spencer’s holding his gaze this time pleading eyes boring into him. “Please don’t put me down, Gideon trained me, I was really good -I can do what ever you want - please - just want do you need? Just tell me what to do? Please sir please!”

Hotch is too stunned to protest as the doctor calls in some orderlies. Spencer is dragged kicking and screaming off of Hocth, he’s gripping his shirt so hard the fabric tares but finally finally they manage to sink the needle into his arm and Spencer goes limp.


	5. Transition of Power

“He’s in amazing shape all things considered.” The doctor says calmly like he wasn’t there for any of the past few moments of pure terror. Aaron wants to snap at him that that’s clearly not the case and he’s still fuming at how they handled the situation.

“You didn’t have to do that.” He snarls. The doctor just blinks at him and continues like he hadn’t said anything at all.

“I’m still waiting on the blood work but from what I can tell he hasn’t suffered much permanent damage.”

“Much permanent damage.” Hocth echoes disbelievingly.

“Will you be wanting a rape kit?” The man plunges ahead seeming content to ignore Hotch’s outrage. Hotch scrubs his face, right, evidence, the case. Despite finding the boy in Gideon’s house they’ll still need everything they can get to put him away for life. That is provided Aaron doesn’t find him first.

He tells the doctor to bring one but wait on it till Spencer’s woken up again and can consent. They ask about next of kin and Hocth informs them about Spencer’s mother’s situation. The nurse has come back with paperwork and the doctor leaves them to it. He’s breaking every damned rule in the whole book but he volunteers himself as Spencer’s medical proxy and until the boy wakes up his badge is enough to let that pass, for now.

Rossi texts him that they are on their way and Hotch texts back the room number before sliding back inside. Spencer is out, now restrained by padded cuffs on both his wrist and ankles to the bed. Aaron takes up the seat next to him and just stares at the boy’s rising and falling chest unwilling to take his eyes off that small sign that Spencer Reid is alive.

There’s so much unknown and he feels sick to his stomach thinking about it all. It’s against everything to have treated Spencer the way he has, getting caught up with a victim like this can only ever end badly. Because if he offers himself to Spencer as a crutch to lean on in his recovery he can’t just pull the comfort away when it becomes inconvenient for him.

Watching Spencer sleep there are only two things he knows for sure. 

One, his life as he’d known it is over, it was over the moment Gideon started killing under his nose and he wasn’t able to stop him. There was no way to make up for any of this, the failing of being a top profiler in the BAU and not spotting a serial killer working right beside him. The six months he spent wasting time not looking at Spencer’s case. All those nights he convinced himself Spencer was dead so he didn’t feel guilty for not devoting every second of his day to finding him. No matter if it means loosing his job or his whole career he’ll be here for Spencer as long as the boy wants. It didn’t make up for anything but it was the very least he could do after failing Spencer Reid so spectacularly.

Two; with a calm so cold it should scare him Aaron Hotchner knows the next time he lays his eyes on Jason Gideon, be it in Russia, be it with his back turned to him, be in a court room full of witness, he will kill the man with his bare hands if he has to.

The team sends JJ in to talk to him first, she closes the door quietly behind her and when he looks up he can see the others just outside trying to pretend like they aren’t watching.

“I suppose you’ve come to talk to sense into me.” He growls, he’s still holding Spencer’s hand and he’s not going to let it go from something as silly as appearances.

“Yes.” Her eyes fall on Spencer’s sleeping form and despite the fact that’s he covered in blankets he’s sure she can remember what he looked like, all the scars and wounds. “When we step back outside try to look appropriately told off.” She lifts her eyes to meet his. “Because I don’t care what they say, if you don’t take him in I will.”

She promises to stay with Spencer incase he wakes, he doesn’t even have to ask her to she just takes his seat and takes Spencer’s hand. Hotch sucks in a deep breath before going out to meet the team.

Rossi had gone off flashing his badge and finding them a conference room and Morgan is tactful enough to wait till the three of them are behind closed doors.

“What are you thinking?” Morgan starts. Hotch tries to give him his best ‘Im the boss don’t you dare question me look’ but it has no effect on Morgan’s resolve. “You were the one who warned me about getting close to a victim like this, what’s that kid going to do when he wakes up and you’re not there?”

It’s a sickening thought and just the idea of causing this boy more pain is too much.

“It will be tough on him yes,” Rossi steps forward putting a hand on Morgan’s shoulder effortlessly calming the storm brewing between the two, “but you can’t be there when he wakes up Aaron.”

“To hell I can’t.” Aaron spits out but Rossi remains resolved.

“He needs professional help, help you can’t provide because you need to be back at the BAU soothing things over with Strauss before she fires us all.”

Aaron takes a deep breath and then motions for them to sit at the round table with him. Saying it out loud … well it just makes it all feel so final. He takes a the small key out of his pocket and slides it over to Rossi.

“In the right drawer of my desk on the top is my resignation letter, go back to the office and give it to Strauss.”

“Hotch!” Morgan, who remained standing, looks flabbergasted.

“It will help appease her, I’ve nominated Emily.”

“And does Emily know she’s supposed to be taking over as Unit Chief?” Rossi quirks an eyebrow at him.

“Yes.”

He can see the hurt on Morgan’s face, not that he’d been passed over but that Aaron hadn’t consulted him. The key lays untouched on the table.

“Aaron, I’m sure if you offer to step down for a while, maybe even take some time off and when-”

“When what Dave? When everyone in the department magically forgets I let a serial killer run free under my watch?”

“Under all our watches.” Morgan pitches in. “You’re no more at fault than the rest of us.”

“This was my team-”

“This is your team.” Morgan insist.

“I should have seen it sooner.”

“We all should have.” Rossi’s hand inches towards his, he lays it over Aaron in comfort.

“I’m going to be there when Spencer wakes up.”

It takes a whole hour for them both to accept that Aaron’s mind is made up. Morgan still insists he’s not accepting the resignation and Rossi doesn’t take the key with him as he heads back to the BAU, at the very least they can see he’s not going to budge on the whole Spencer thing.

When he slips back into the room JJ and the nurse are talking in hushed tones.

“She wants to take the collar off while he’s still sleeping.” JJ turns to him the moment he enters. He can see in her eyes the same conflicting feelings he feels at the idea. He can’t stand to see it on the boy for any longer than it has to be but … so much has been taken from it seems wrong to do anything at all without his express permission. They’re waiting for him because he’s the one who has the power to make this choice.

“Leave it with me.”

The nurse passes him the lock picking device and leaves the room with a last pitying glance at Spencer who frowns in his sleep.

“Prentiss got in contact with a phycologist from the sex crimes division, she’s the best there is, she’ll be here by the afternoon.”

Aaron checks his watch, six hours.

“And Gideon?”

JJ shakes her head.

“Even if there was something I couldn’t tell you.” She looks like the words pain her to say and Aaron nods his approval, this is why he put Emily in charge and he’ll have to respect any choice she makes, even if it does shut him out of the investigation. It’s probably best for all involved, he couldn’t very well look after Spencer and track down Gideon to kill him at the same time.

Aaron takes his seat next to Spencer again, pick up his hand. In his sleep Spencer turns and curls towards him. 

————————

It’s a relief to wake up and feel the familiar soft leather encircling his wrist and ankles, binding him to Gideon’s bed. These are the best mornings no matter what Gideon has planed for him. He feels better rested than he has in months, Gideon has started having him sleep on the floor when he’d begun having nightmares and later relocated him to the basement most nights when Spencer woke him up with his whimpers.

He lays still keeping his breathing even and pretending to still be asleep as he waits for Gideon to roll over. If he was lucky Gideon would fuck him awake with sweet kisses and tender touches. It’s mornings like this Gideon is the kindest, maybe he won’t even need to hurt Spencer today.

But as the moments ticked by he realized he couldn’t feel the familiar warmth of Gideon beside him. Finally cracking his eyes open ready to face the day he froze. This wasn’t Gideon’s bed.

All the night’s events came slamming back sending his head spinning as he thrashed about trying to free himself from the restraints.

“Spencer, Spencer it’s alright, calm down!” Aaron Hotchner loomed above him and he went absolutely still. He was splayed out, bound hands and feet and completely at the mercy of this man and he’d been stupid enough to wake up screaming and fighting. What would his new captor think of it? Maybe he’d worry Spencer wasn’t as trained as Gideon had said. He could feel shivers running through his body as the man tried to sooth him.

‘I’m going away for a little while Spencer, my good friend Aaron Hotchner is going to take care of you, you have to obey him like obey me do you understand?’

It was like a mantra in the back of his head and realizing how many times he’s already disobeyed the man he could feel panic rising in him. How would he be punished? Had he already been disobedient enough that Aaron would simply dispose of him rather than go through the work of punishing him? Would Gideon … would Gideon allow it? Where was he?

No. He told himself firmly. He had to push all of that aside, he had to listen and learn the cues from this new master. Gideon would come back for him but until then he needed to be perfect, more than perfect.

“I’m very sorry for how I’ve acted Sir.” He couldn’t get on his knees and beg like he wanted to but he bowed his head not even letting himself look up at the man through his eyelashes.

“Spencer.” Aaron Hotchner’s voice was soft but after a year with Gideon he could detect that small hint of disappointment and it struck fear into his heart. He would be punished and probably the only reason he hadn’t been yet was that Aaron Hotchner needed to keep up appearances with his team.

So this was the new game. Spencer has to pretend he’s been rescued, play the part of the recovering victim. No doubt Aaron Hotchner will step in and offer to help. He’ll have to accept graciously, act as if he’s happy, act as if he’s safe, so that this man can get him alone. He’s with the FBI, he’ll be able to keep Spencer without anyone thinking twice about it.

So he relaxes into the man touch. It’s nice. Gideon so rarely touches him like this, only when he’s been very very good. And he knows that’s not why Agent Hotchner is touching him like this now, he needs him calm, he needs him to play the part for the nurses and doctors that will come. Spencer digs into everything he’s read about kidnapping cases and sex trafficking. He’ll need to answer everyones questions exactly as they expect him too.

Because Gideon will come back for him, he’ll see how good Spencer’s been, Hotchner will tell him how perfect Spencer is and that he’s still worth keeping around. In no time at all they’ll be back at the cabin and it will be like he never left.

Until then what’s wrong with enjoying the way Aaron Hotchner holds his hand as speaks softly even if it is only just for this moment?


	6. The Search For Gideon

Aaron allows himself a moment to continue petting Spencer because it seems to calm the boy almost instantly, he feels a guilty pang at this knowing Gideon's likely withheld affection from him to the point he'd melt into anyones arms this way. With a heart heavy with regret he withdraws. Spencer whines a little and tries to chase his touch as far as the restraints will take him.

"I have some questions to ask you but first will you let me take that collar off."

He watches in horror as Spencer's face goes from relaxed to guarded, it's like he can see the walls coming up, the castle gate closing, Spencer's eyes slant looking at him suspiciously.

“This is Gideon’s collar.” Spencer’s voice full of the strongest conviction that Hotch has ever heard from him yet. He says it like he means to say ‘I am Gideon’s’. He says it like an accusation, like Hotch is trying to tick him.

“That’s one of the things we have to talk about today, are you up to talking about Gideon?”

The boy throws him another suspicious glance before going back to keeping his head bowed. 

“I can do that.”

“Would you mind if my colleague Jenifer joins us for this conversation?”

“It’s fine.” Spencer shrugs. Not exactly a ringing endorsement but he needs someone with at least the appearance of impartial eyes. And if he’s right that Gideon’s kept Spencer all alone it would make sense how he seems to react better to JJ and the female nurses rather than the doctor or Morgan.

Hotch pokes his head out of he room and thankfully JJ coming down the hall right at the moment. He motions her forward.

“Is he awake?” She looks more hopeful than he feels right now. He nods.

“Would you get us a couple of coffees and throw in a hot chocolate.” He passes her a few coins for the vending machine he saw down the hall. With that in place he flags down and orderly, it takes flashing his badge and glaring at the man before he’ll coming in and undo Spencer’s restraints without consulting the stupid doctor. When the man leaves Spencer moves slowly drawing his knees up to his chest. There’s a soft tap at the door.

Hotch watches Spencer closely as JJ enters the room. His eyes flick up once noting her presence and then he’s right back to keeping his head down. She takes the seat next to him and Hotch stays by the door.

“I brought you something to drink, I wasn’t sure if you wanted coffee so I brought hot coco as well.”

She glances at Hotch making sure that’s what he’d meant her to do and he nods her approval. He wants to show Spencer he has choices but he doesn’t want to overwhelm him.

“Which one do you want?”

Spencer looks up at Hotch questions in his eyes and Hotch refrains from nodding or smiling or anything, he keeps his face perfectly neutral. Spencer doesn’t need his permission although he’s clearly seeking it. Hotch used that to get Spencer to cooperate last night but he doesn’t want to play into what ever sick game Spencer is used to anymore.

“Hot coco.” His voice is so soft they would have missed it if the room hadn’t been completely silent. His shoulders are hunched and Hotch can see the very slight tremor in his hands as he reach out for the cup. JJ passes it to him and his fingers curl around the cup but he doesn’t drink. JJ takes a sip of her own and glances at Hocth. He nods and she begins.

“I’m going to ask you some questions about what’s happened to you and if you don’t want to answer something just shake your head and we’ll move on, do you think you’re up for that?”

Spencer manages a nod. JJ gives him her warmest smile and that seems to make him relax just a fraction.

“Do you remember when Gideon took you?” She keeps her voice light and even. Spencer nods but doesn’t elaborate. “Could you tell me a little about it.” For the first time Aaron watches Spencer … blush?

“He guest lectured at my college.” Spencer’s rotates the cup nervously in his hands, he looks up at Hotch and keeps eye contact as he takes a sips. Seemingly satisfied that no one was about to snatch the cup from his hands he takes another. “He found me in a cafe afterwards and we talk and …” The boy trails off color rising in his cheeks. “I went with him back to his hotel.”

Hotch fights hard to keep the surprise off his face, although it’s JJ asking the questions Spencer is directing his answer at him. This was nothing like all the other murders they’d connected to Gideon, they were all well panned and never saw him coming. There must have been something special about Reid, or they were wrong about the other murders and there was another killer on the loose. He shot a quick text to Emily.

“After-” Spencer takes a big gulp of his hot coco, “He drugged me and I woke up in his cabin.”

“Spencer is there anyone you’d like us to call for you?”

“Is my mom alive?”

“Yes, would you like to talk to her.”

“Not yet.”

“When ever you’re ready we’ll give her a call, I’m sure she’d like to hear from you.” JJ sips her coffee waiting for Spencer to do the same before she continues. “Was there ever anyone else at the cabin?”

Spencer shook his head.

“Did Gideon ever talk about other people, boys like you.”

“He talked about you.” Spencer glanced between both of them. “All of you. Aaron Hotchner, JJ, Derek Morgan, David Rossi, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia.” He listed them all off as if he’d memorized them hoping and praying they’d come save him.

“What about other victims, from before you?”

Spencer just stared at Aaron questioningly and refused to answer.

“Spencer we just want to make sure there’s no on else being kept somewhere or-”

“He never kept anyone else.” His voice was full of such pride, his shoulders straighten a little.

“Did Gideon ever talk about somewhere besides the cabin that he liked going, somewhere he felt safe or somewhere he talked about taking you one day?”

“Never, the cabin is our home.”

“What about places from when he grew up, a favorite childhood vacation?”

“Gideon doesn’t talk about himself much.”

His heart sank a little as Hotch noted the phrasing, he could have easily said ‘he didn’t talk about himself’ because Gideon was in the past. He had to remind himself that this was a lot of progress already and that it could take a very long time for Spencer to believe Gideon couldn’t get to him anymore.

“What did you two talk about then?”

“We played chess.” Spencer skillfully avoids the real question.

“Do you like playing games?”

It’s such an innocent question but even to JJ’s less trained eyes she can see how much it effects Spencer. Any semblance of relaxed is gone, every muscle in his body contacts and he holds himself so stills as if if he doesn’t even breath they might forget he’s there.

“You’re doing really good Spencer, I know it doesn’t seem like much but any detail could help us catch Gideon, thank you for answering my questions would you like to take a break now?”

Spencer gives the slightest of nods.

“Okay, there’s just one more thing I want you to do, do you think you could let us take that collar off?”

She doesn’t press, or move forward, or move at all. Aaron holds himself similarly still and they just wait letting Spencer work through what ever it is he needs to work through. He looks between the two of them over and over again, his eyes keep coming back to Hotch as if he’s trying to force the pieces of a puzzle together. Finally after the longest pause Aaron’s ever had to suffer through he looks at JJ and say.

“You can.”

It feels like the biggest victory of the day.

JJ, Morgan, Emily and Rossi gather around the Hospital’s conference room table. They can all practically hear Hotchner pacing around just outside. Emily had been the one to insist he stay out of his for now and to everyones surprise he didn’t even argue. The collar sits in the middle of the table in an evidence bag and close up picture of Reid’s scars and wounds are scattered around it.

“This is personal, for all of us, but we are all still here because I believe we are the only ones who can do this. If I thought for a second we weren’t the best for the job I’d hand this case to another team. So, prove me right.” Emily stands at the head of the table arms crossed over her chest.

“We should start like it’s any other case, why this victim at this time?” Rossi flicks through the file they’d thrown together on Reid noting high school transcripts and his college class schedule.

“I think we should set aside the other victims for a moment.” Morgan musses. “We don’t even had any concrete evidence it is Gideon.”

“Reid wouldn’t give us anything on them, he either doesn’t know or …” JJ stops looking away.

“Or he’s too scared of Gideon to say anything.” Emily finishes for her.

“The boy was well on his way to promising career, graduated high school at the age of 12, two bachelors degrees in progress. He was shadowing the graduate criminal phycology class.” Rossi listed off.

“That’s how he met Gideon.” JJ chimed in. “He said Gideon fond him in a cafe and invited him back to his hotel.”

“So if we add in the other victims Reid was the first one to go with him willingly even if it was under false pretenses.” Morgan sat forward a little.

“Morgan I want you to work that angel, come up with anything and everything that’s different between the supposed other victims and Reid. There should be contact for his teachers in there, try to retrace the steps as if we were investigating a missing persons again. Rossi you knew Gideon the best I want you to dig into his past, where does he go on vacation, how does he like his coffee, just anything that might help us track him.”

“On it.”

“And JJ I want you to stay with Reid, I’m sure there’s a lot more he can tell us.”

“What about Aaron?” Rossi is the one to finally bring up the elephant stomping around outside.

“I’ve thought about it. I’m sure I know what he’s thinking, and I agree, Spencer will have to be in protective custody until Gideon is found and well Hotch is as good as anyone if not better.”

“You can’t be serious.” Morgan scoffs and Emily gives him a no nonsense glare.

“I am, and this isn’t up for debate.”

“Actually it is, because this team isn’t a dictatorship even when Hotch is running it.”

Emily sighs and scrubs at his face clearly as tired as any of them.

“Strauss has already agreed.”

“Come on, does no one else see how fucked up this is? What’s he going to do in a few weeks when he starts getting restless and wants back in the field.”

“He’s suspended for field work indefinitely. It was the only compromise he’d make where he didn’t quit outright.”

“He’s really going through with this?” Morgan wondered out loud.

“I think the best thing we can all do is try to support both of them through this, not we’ve all god jobs to do.” Rossi stands up. With a nod from Emily the team dispatches.

After another round of checkups and they let JJ in to take evidence. Hotch makes himself stay outside but the second it’s all over he’s back in the room letting Spencer cling to him and whispering about how good he’s been through all of this. He won’t let Spencer get out of bed and climb into his lap like the boy clearly wants to do but he holds him as best he can from the comfort of his own chair.

Pending phycological evaluations Spencer is all set to go home, where ever that may be. It’s time to ask the question.

“Spencer.” He gently coaxes the boy to look up at him. “We’ll be able to get you out of here soon but we need to talk about where you’ll go.”

“Where I’ll go?” The boy echoes completely confused.

“There’s a facility in Los Vegas, close to where your mom is.” Aaron forces him to offer this up first because where ever Spencer goes it needs to be his choice and it needs to be what ever is best for him. “They take care of people like you who have been through something horrible and-”

“Why can’t I say with you?” Spencer looks up at him with tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.

“Oh Spencer of course you can stay with me I just want to make sure you know there are other options.”

“But one of those is staying with you right?”

“Yes.”

“Take me home Aaron Hotchner.” Spencer pleads.

————————

It makes him sick to his stomach to have to BEG this man to imprison him again but he knows these kinds of Games. Gideon would make him beg to be fucked or force him to beg for punishment when he’d been ‘bad’.

It was oddly comforting because Aaron Hotchner was so much easier to read even when he put on a stony face that he clearly through Spencer couldn’t see through. The man wanted him so badly maybe even worse than Gideon had.

It was oddly comforting to be wanted that bad, surely if he’s worth all this medical treatment, the further deception of the team, it means he’s worth keeping alive.

It’s oddly comforting to watch the relief wash over Aaron Hotchner when he begs to go home with him because he feels relief too. Soon it will be just him and this man, no more having to fake being rescued. No more doctors prodding at him. No more sympathetic smiles from Jennifer Jareau.

His heart tugs a little at that last one, he’s sure now that she at least has no part in this and there a small corner of his brain that wakes back up whispering in his ear ‘escape’. He could tell Jenifer everything and she’d put her own life on the line before she let Aaron Hotchner take Spencer. But that was just it. He didn’t know about the others. Rossi seems genuinely shocked the fews times Spencer had caught sight of his face, he could very well be as ignorant as Jenifer. Morgan had offered up his belt to punish Reid but aside from that he didn’t seem much of a threat. He seemed kind and Spencer had caught him in conversation with Jenifer outside of his hospital room, his voice was soft and sure and maybe just maybe he was as innocent as Spencer hopped he was.

But Aaron wasn’t. That’s why Gideon had called, to make sure he knew he hadn’t escaped. And that’s why he couldn’t tell Jenifer any of this, she’d put her own life in front of his and either Aaron Hotchner or Jason Gideon would take it without a second though just to get to him. He could see the level of devotion forming in Aaron’s eyes, in the possessive way he held Spencer, in the fact he couldn’t keep his hands off Spencer even when Jenifer was around, and it shook him to his core.

Then there was the matter of his missing collar. Hotchner had taken it away with him saying something about evidence. Spencer fingered the ridges of callous skin where the collar had sat. He touched his neck experimentally marveling at the feeling of his fingers against the skin. He took a deep breath feeling for the first time in a year the expecting of his windpipe without the constriction of the collar. When Gideon had first brought it home he’d resisted, it seemed at the time to be the final nail in the coffin of his freedom. It had proved to be quite the opposite, with the collar he was allowed to be in more places of the house, allowed to cook in the kitchen without Gideon constantly watching him, allowed to bath on his own, allowed out of the cage in the basement for short periods of time.

In time he understood the collar as an extension of Gideon’s fondness for him, it meant he was trusted enough to be left alone in a room only minimally restrained. The fact that Gideon had had to have it special made for Spencer so that it only gave him just enough room to breath meant he was worth spending money on.

Having it off brought a strange storm of emotions the most surprising being of relief.

First there was fear, intense burning fear not just at what ever punishment Gideon would come up with for having it removed but that he’d disappoint the man. That his consenting to having it taken off, even if it seemed they’d likely have if off him one way or another, meant he wasn’t worthy any more. Spencer resolved himself to suffering what ever Gideon deemed necessary in order to gain forgiveness.

Then came a creeping uneasiness, he couldn’t forget it was gone. His hands would make their way to his neck tracing the skin and he felt sick at the new feeling. It was like he’d done something wrong, something every wrong, and every second he spend out of the collar he was just making the transgression so so so much worse.

But then there was relief. He tried to convince himself it was very likely that Aaron Hotchner would have it back with him by the time they were alone in his home. But even thought couldn’t dampen the feeling of being able to breath normal again. It was almost like … well it was almost like before Gideon.

He was grateful to be in Aaron Hotchner’s arms but thoughts of Gideon swirled around endlessly in his head.

First fear, cold cold fear. Had he been left behind for good? What game was Gideon playing? What would Aaron Hotchner do with him? When would Gideon be back?

Then a creeping uneasiness. He should be in his cage by now, he hadn’t spent this long outside of it in a very very long time. And all these people, it made his head spin keeping up with all of it. What he wouldn’t give to be at Gideon’s feet enjoying the peace and quiet of a winter evening in the cabin.

And relief, short live as it may be. Relief that at least for the moment no one was hurting him. Relief at being treated as a human being instead of a pet. Relief that Aaron Hotchner considered him worthy of medical care and all these gentle touches and whispers.

Guilt clung to that last thought, for Gideon was his true master, but he’d been ordered to obey Hotchner and told the man would take care of him. All he was doing was following Gideon’s orders right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's going to take Spencer a while to accept that Hotch won't hurt him but he'll get there I promise.


	7. Home

When the phycologist arrives she insist on speaking to Spencer alone. Aaron wants to put up a fight the moment he sees how agitated Spencer gets around new people but JJ physically drags him from the room.

“It won’t do any good and it won’t help your case for taking care of him.”

She insist they eat and Hotch can barely manage to get down anything.

“He seems quite set on going home with you, was that your idea?” Dr. Marcy Kemp had taken two hours to talk with Spencer, afterwards she’d spoken to the team and now she’d sat Aaron down alone.

“I offered, and I was very clear that it’s entirely his choice.”

“I think choice is something it might take him a while to get used to. I’ll be straight with you Agent Hotchner, although this is highly irregular I am inclined to making an acceptation. As I said choice is going to be a difficult thing for him to process and I’m disinclined to ignore the first choice he’s making. But I want you to understand what this mean for you.”

“I’ve already quite my job.” He assures her.

“I don’t think that wise, in fact I’m going to make it a condition of this argument that you stay in the bureau as a consultant for now. It’s not healthy for either of you if give up your career for him, he will need around the clock care at first but with time … he’s one of the strongest ones I’ve seen and I think with time and a lot of care he’ll be able to be on his own one day. Unfortunately I can’t take this case on but I have a colleague here I’ll recommend. He’ll stop by every week, he does house calls, to make sure Spencer is progressing. I want to make sure you understand there is always the possibility that he doesn’t get better under your care and in that case we will have to transfer him to a full time facility.”

“Understood.” The thought sickened him, having to hand Spencer over to complete strangers. And he swore to himself he’d do everything in his power to help the boy heal.

There’s a bunch of a paperwork to sign and Hotch stands outside the room with a nurse listening carefully to everything she has to say. They want him on supplements, although he appears to be mostly well feed it was probably somewhat irregular and he’s slightly iron deficient. There’s antibiotics to combat any infections that might arise just given the state of him they want to take precautions. Topical ointments for his wounds and bandages to be cleaned and changed twice a day. Mostly it’s just rest, they’ll check him again in a week and discuss physical therapy.

He can hear through the door the doctor going over much the same stuff with Spencer, it was his idea to have these two conversations separately, he wanted to give Spencer a chance to ask any questions he might have without Hotch in the room.

The boy had become increasingly agitated after the phycologist visit and his uneasy restlessness only increased as he had to talk to doctors and nurses. JJ had come in too to ask a few questions and leave him with her card when he could only mange a nod or a shake of head in answer.

Aaron locked eyes with Emily just coming out of their makeshift conference room. She didn't wave him over, just stared back with an unreadable expression on her face. In what seemed like in no time at all he was wheeling Spencer out of the hospital and towards his FBI van.

Spencer's feet were bandaged up so Hotch had to help him into the passenger seat, not that the boy seemed to mind. In fact he actively leaned into Hotch's touch when ever he was given half a chance and now especially outside of the eyes of the hospital and his team he didn't have the heart to resist. He gave Spencer's hand a reassuring squeeze after buckling him in.

"Almost home." He whispered.

His apartment wasn't the most wheelchair friendly he was dismayed to find out. When they got stuck trying to get from the parking lot into the elevator on a few very poorly places stairs with no other way around Spencer had insisted he could walk and proceeded to stand. Aaron had had to quickly rush to help before he fell over and hurt himself further but with his assistance and Spencer's unwavering resolve they finally made it through the door. Aaron felt fit to collapse on the bed right then and there and he could see Spencer was of a similar mind.

"You haven't slept." He said noting the way Spencer had become tense again. The boy glanced around the apartment was if looking for hidden traps. Hyper vigilance, Aaron made a mental not to mention it to who ever took over as Spencer's fully time therapist. Poor exhausted Spencer didn't seem to have the strength to stand anymore and he collapsed onto his knees right there in the door way, effecting the same head bowed posture as when they'd first met. "Come on, I'll take the couch until we figure something out, would it be okay if I carried you again or do you need help getting back in the chair?" Aaron asked gently. The boy looked up and wordlessly held out his arms to be carried.

His eyelids were dropping as they entered the bedroom and Aaron didn't even bother turning on the lights. He tucked Spencer beneath the heavy comforter and turned to go. A hand shot out and gripped his wrist tightly.

“Stay?" Spencer pleaded. With a sigh Aaron pulled up a chair as Spencer intertwined their fingers. The boy was asleep almost instantly.

Watching Spencer Reid snore softly Aaron wondered if he hadn't just made a horrible mistake. At first he'd chalked the boys clinginess up to a natural reaction to being starved of gentle touches for a year. But as he'd caved more and more to his own instinct to wrap the boy up in his arms and hold him close Spencer in turn only clung to him tighter. It was still in the very early stages and if it took Hotch being as near him as possible for the next few days to keep him calm and happy then that's what he'd do.

It did nag at him somewhere in the back of his brain it was hard to ignore how inappropriate this behavior was. There was a stark difference between wrapping a victim in a blanket and holding them close and they sobbed in relief and watching Spencer Reid's chest rise and fall as the boy clung to his hand.

But for the life of him Hotch couldn't find any reason to pull away.


	8. Setteling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for flashback of Spencer's time with Gideon

It was more a memory than a true nightmare and Spencer was aware enough to know he was in that state between dream and waking but not strong enough to pull himself out of it. He could hear his own words ringing in his head, his voice high pitch with fear.

_“Please, just a little while longer?” He clung to Gideon’s leg but the man just kicked out sending him sprawling on the carpet._

_“Don’t be difficult Spencer.” Gideon’s voice held a warning but he pushed past that. The man had been gone for two weeks this time and the very thought of going back in the cage after only a few hours out of it made Spencer’s stomach turn. He hadn’t even been properly feed and he hadn’t been allowed a bath yet._

_“You can just chain me in the bathroom, at least let me shower, I won’t be any trouble.” He begged clambering back into a respectful kneeling position. Gideon stared down at him with impatiences. “Or your bed?” He changed tactics. “I’m sure you just want to relax after such a long case, let me take care of you.” He shuffled forwards making for Gideon’s belt, parting his lips suggestively._

_He was struck across the face twice in quick succession._

_“Cage now.” Gideon pointed to the basement stairs and for the life of him Spencer couldn’t force himself to crawl back down there. Gideon grabbed a fist full of hair and started to drag him, Spencer pulled back even though it hurt, resolute to remain in the living room._

_“Do you not appreciate your cage?” Gideon’s voice was deadly calm. He knelt down next to Spencer forcing the boy to look up at him. He could see he’d really fucked up, he should throw himself at Gideon’s feet and beg forgiveness._

_“Please, it’s just … it’s cold down there, and … and I’m lonely without you.” He batted his eyelashes and pouted._

_“Spencer I don’t tolerate insolence even from one as pretty as you.”_

_“Haven’t you missed me?” He leaned forward trying his hardest to look irresistible. Gideon’s grip on his chin tightened._

_“Tell me then, what gripes do you have with your cage this time?”_

_“It’s cold.” Spencer whined. He’d only had two blankets that hardly managed to cover him entirely and with the winter months the cabin was a little drafty. “And I hate not being able to walk around, I miss running.” He knew he should stop talking, he was probably just digging the hole deeper but it all poured out of him pent up from six months of captivity. “I want to be able to walk more than ten feet and read something besides the same books over and over again. I want … I want to go home.” He sobbed out._

_“Home?” Gideon snorted . “Do you mean your single dorm? Or Los Vegas where you never had any friends to begin with? Or do you mean the mental institution you put your mother in?”_

_Each sentence stung worse than the slap and Spencer trembled under Gideon’s harsh gaze._

_“No Spence, you’ve never had a home till I gave you one and if you’re going to be so ungrateful about it then you don’t deserve something so comfortable.”_

_He didn’t have time to say something back before he was yanked to his feet._

_For the first time since he’d enter the house Gideon pushed him out the front door. He lost his footing almost instantly stumbling down the few wooden steps and tumbling onto the gravel driveway. The wind howled and felt like little knives of ice on his naked skin as the gravel bit into his knees. He tried to stand again but Gideon was on him dragging him by the hair. He stumbled and tripped and stub his toes on all manor of rocks and sticks. His feet ached and he couldn’t see where he was going but he had to keep up because he was sure if he fell Gideon would just keep dragging him._

_There was small tool shed out back and Gideon paused to unlocked the door before tossing Spencer in. He had enough presence of mind to resume kneeling._

_“Please Sir I didn’t mean it. I like the cage!”_

_He had no idea what punishment Gideon had in mind but panic was rising up in him. Had he finally made Gideon mad enough to kill him?_

_“Stand against the wall.” Gideon pointed to the blank wooden wall at the back of the shed, he didn’t dare not comply. “Arms up at the same height as your head.” Gideon had his back to him rummaging around in a tool chest. When he turned to Spencer again he had a drill in one hand and three half circle metal hoops in the other. It was the kind of thing used to attach pipes to the wall. Spencer froze in place every instinct screaming at him to run run run._

_“If you even think about running I’ll beat your feet before I leave you here all night.” Gideon warned. All Night?!_

_With cold precision Gideon attached his right wrist to the wall using the metal bracket and drilled in screws. Then his left, then a slightly larger one around his neck. It sat uncomfortable with his collar and made him hold his chin up high._

_“I want you to have a good long think about where you belong and when I come back I expect to find you more appreciative of what I give you.”_

_Spencer was so stunned that before he could speak Gideon was gone, locking the door behind him._

_Icy wind slipped through the sheds thin walls as Spencer began to shiver._

_He’d thought at first Gideon surely couldn’t have meant to keep him there all night. For the first hours the hardest part was the cold, it was oppressive and ever present. But soon the ache in his legs presented a more threatening concern. He shifted form foot to foot but that wasn’t enough. His wrist were rubbed raw from struggling. His feet almost numb now on the cold floor. He kept slipping and for a dreaded moment he’d hang only supported by the bracket around his neck choking him._

_It wasn’t until after morning light that Gideon came back, he seemed surprised to find Spencer even alive and incredibly pleased when the boy had sunk to his knees begging forgiveness._

Spencer bolted awake with a still lingering feeling of being chilled to the bone. It was in a very different condition he woke to. Aaron Hotchner’s bed was warm and light as a cloud. The blankets where piled up on him trapping his body heat in and even though he could feel himself beginning to sweat he burrowed deeper chasing the warmth. He should be getting out of bed, he should try to find Hotchner, find out what he wanted with him, find out how to please him. But damn it the bed was just too warm and it was probably worth any punishment to stay a while longer.

Hotchner had been nice to him so far and Spencer decided today he’d see just how far that went. With the memory so fresh in his mind he was very aware of what pushing boundaries could mean but if it finally got Hotchner to show his true colors then maybe it would be worth it. He needed to know what this new master was capable of.

—————

Aaron was hunched over the kitchen table case files strewn across them when Spencer emerged. He’d figured he’d used the time Spencer spent sleeping to close out the last few cases but upon seeing the boy creeping into the living room he swept that all aside.

Spencer stood uncertain in the doorway rubbing sleep from his eyes. Hotch had given him his sweatpants and one of his shirts that was too big for the boy and the image of him standing there in his own clothes brought up some … feelings he’d been trying to keep buried.

“You’re up.” He gave Spencer a smile and to his surprise the boy smiled back. 

“I wasn’t sure when you’d want me to wake up.”

“When ever you want, did you sleep well?”

Spencer just shrugged. He chewed on his lip as he slowly entered the room like some feral cat completely on edge. He was walking better this morning, seems a good nights sleep had done him wonders. He kept eye contact with Hotch as he slowly pulled out a seat at the dinning room table furthest from the man and sat down. He was tense again although he was clearly trying to hide it.

“Are you hungry?” Aaron hadn’t eaten yet himself. The boy shrugs again and when Aaron stands up he flinches, intelligent eyes tracking his every movement. “I’m not a good cook but there’s a dinner just down the street, we can get what ever you want.” He gives Spencer a wide birth as he makes his way to the kitchen finding the neat stack of take out menus and thumbing through them till he finds the right one. When he turns back around Spencer had moved from his seated spot to look over the case files Aaron left open.

“I remember this one.” The boy flicked through the files with a look of concentration. “He has a partner you know, I see you you didn’t catch her.”

“Her?” It’s all Aaron can think to say trying to figure out what Spencer was even talking about.

“Didn’t Gideon tell you?” He looked up confusion clouding his face. “Connor O’Brian has a partner, a woman, that’s how he was luring the kids away form their parents. She’d wait for some kid to get lost and then offer to help and they’d go with her because she seemed trust worthy.” Spencer picked through the file till he found the right photo. “I noticed this looking through the photos.” He slid it across the table to Hotch and Aaron picked it up examining it. He found it almost instantly, a crumpled napkin in the waste bin with lipstick smeared on it. “I thought Gideon was going to tell you not to close the case.” Spencer insisted.

“He never said anything.” Hotch examined the rest of the file. Of course, it was almost obvious when you looked closer.

“She’s likely a mother figure although it’s not likely she’s related.” Spencer continued.

“Gideon let you look at our files?” He examined Spencer who was now staring at the ground looking as if he was waiting to be chastised. Things started clicking into place.

“He said he liked having a fresh pair of eyes on it.” Spencer shifted uncomfortably and Hotch realized he was staring in a way that could be perceived as angry. Because he was angry, furious, for months Gideon had been coming back from his time off with the most amazing revelations, he’d broken into so many of the cold cases that it was frankly astonishing. Aaron hadn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth so he never said anything … and this whole time it was Spencer behind all this?

“You were studying criminology right?” He’d briefly looked over Spencer’s file and seen the boy was quite accomplished academically but cracking cold cases was a whole other matter.

“Yes, and I read every book Gideon had on profiling when he wasn’t … ” Spencer trailed off looking away.

“You must be some kind of genius.” Hotch made a mental note to ask Spencer about what cases specifically he’d ‘consulted’ on but that would wait for later. The boy warmed a little under the praise. “How about we get the boy genius some breakfast what do you say?” Aaron switches the files in front of Spencer with a menu. The boy just stares at it again seemingly at a loss for what to do next. “What do you like to eat?”

“Gideon likes blueberry pancakes.” Spencer offers up. “I can cook them.”

Mindful of Dr. Kemp’s warning not disregarding Spencer’s choices Aaron countered with. “If you want to cook I’m happy to get you anything you need but the doctor said you should rest and take out might be easier.”

Spencer scrutinized the menu.

“Gideon doesn’t like bananas.”

“I don’t care what Gideon likes, I care what you like.” He gave Spencer a reassuring smile.

Again Spencer gives him that look like he can’t figure Hotch out. He slides the menu back to Hotch and says softly.

“I like bananas.”

It’s all he gets from Spencer in the vein of making choices but it’s enough for now. Hotch orders him a large stack of banana pancakes and some hot coco remembering that from the hospital. He gets himself a less sugary breakfast of eggs and sausage and some good strong coffee.

Hotch sets the table as Spencer stands awkwardly in the background, still keeping an eye on him but a little more relaxed.

“Why don’t I show you around while we wait, I didn’t get a chance to last night you were so exhausted.”

“I’m sorry Sir.” Spencer mutters.

“My friends call me Hotch but you can call me Aaron if you like.” He tries to give the boy a reassuring smile but it’s returned with a puzzled look. Spencer doesn’t say anything so he lets the moment pass.

He leads Spencer around the sparse apartment noting that as they enter every new room the boy tenses up. They start in the living room, a single couch and Tv. Aaron can’t help but look at his space through Spencer’s eyes thinking how the team would profile it if he was an unsub. Everything looked hardly lived in. Hotch didn’t hire a cleaner firstly because he was maybe a little paranoid but secondly because he liked the act himself. It became a sort of ritual, after a case he’d come home and clean, it helped ground him in his own space feeling that although he was hardly home it was still his home. Although he didn’t always have time to dust everything so there was a thin layer of the stuff all over book shelves.

Spencer, at Aaron’s nod of approval, circled the room slowly. He looked over the books with particular interest. For the few times he was actually in the apartment he preferred to keep his work and home life separated. All the profiling, FBI, and crime books where in his study. The living room shelves were full of Jack’s picture books, a collection of first edition reference books, an assortment of odd non-fiction Aaron had picked up everything from sea turtles to the Salem Witch trials. He saw Spencer linger of the small section of romance books he kept tucked away on the top shelf at the far end. There were pictures of Jack and Haley that the boy stared out with open curiosity.

“My wife.” Aaron elaborated. “And my son, Jack.” He felt a little pang of guilt go through him. He hadn’t consulted either of them in this decision and the thought of what that conversation would entail burned in the back of his mind. He knew the longer he put it off the worse it would get but … well at the moment most of his energy was going towards Spencer.

Although he kept the place neat although it was never that when Jack was around. After Haley took him home Hotch always took the time to put his toys away in their crates and readjust the couch cousins.

“He doesn’t live here.” Spencer’s said and it almost sounded like some sort of accusation. Aaron colored.

“I’m usually away so often …” He trailed off.

Next the kitchen Hotch showed Spencer where everything was, the glasses for water, the plates, he told him he could have anything in the fridge he liked although there wasn’t much there. Again Spencer said nothing just watching Aaron with what seemed like increasing annoyance. At a loss with what else to do He continued the tour. In the bathroom he watch Spencer stare at the tub with a look of abject horror and quickly moved on. In his study Spencer seemed more relaxed walking over to the stack of case files on the desk and flicking through them. Hotch held himself back from saying anything because he didn’t want to upset the fragile peace but he really shouldn’t be letting the boy see those. As they made their way towards the bedroom Spencer fell a little behind and he he turned back he could see the boy had begun to tremble.

“What’s wrong?” Aaron asked softly but Spencer was saved from answering by the doorbell ringing. When he pressed past Spencer in the hallway to reach the door the boy flinched away.

Aaron paid the delivery man and when he turned back to the kitchen he found Spencer had moved his own plate to the floor and was again kneeling with his head down.

“You can sit at the table.” Aaron said softly and the boy looked up. “Please?” He added. He tried to tell himself it wasn’t a command but Spencer clearly took it that way. Seemingly with reluctance Spencer slid into a chair with his plate. Aaron set out the food and started digging in so he didn’t have to say anything else. He watched the boy while trying to seem like he wasn’t watching him.

Spencer fidgeted seemingly uncomfortable, he picked up his fork then put it back down again. He returned his hands to his lap again waiting with his head bowed.

“You can eat.” Aaron nudged.

Again moving like he was waiting any moment to be struck Spencer slowly dished out the pancakes. Aaron nudged the maple syrup towards him and he drizzled some on his food.

Once the boy took his first bite, watching Aaron for any adverse reaction, he just started wolfing it down at an astonishing speed. When he was done he sat back seemingly surprised himself. Aaron was only halfway through his own.

“Gideon never allowed me to sit on the furniture without permission.” Spencer’s voice wasn’t much above a whisper. Aaron looks up blinking in surprise. Oh, well that explained some things.

“You are always allowed to sit where ever you want in this house Spencer, and anywhere else for that matter.” Aaron add. “What other rules did Gideon have?” He cursed himself for not asking that sooner. He’d been so caught up in everything it hadn’t occurred to him the boy might still be trying to operate under the framework Gideon had given him. He seemed to obsolete between the two states, sometimes acting like any other victim and most of the time acting like Gideon was just around the corner watching his every move. Maybe if Spencer was willing to talk about some of it he could better understand how to make him comfortable. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He added noting how the boy had gone a little pale. He pushed one of the biscuits that came with his meal towards Spencer giving him the perfect out.

“I must do everything he tells me to even if I don’t want to.” Spencer’s voice was small, he stared down at the biscuit refusing to make eye contact.“I’m not supposed to speak unless spoken to but I’m really bad with that one and need to be punished often to be reminded.”

Aaron keeps his hands under the table so Spencer doesn’t see him making a tight fist.

“If there were other rules that day or things he wanted me to do he’d always say, the rules were always very clear.”

That last part seemed almost like a jab at Aaron and things started to piece together. Gideon’s kills had absolute control written all over them. Spencer was probably feeling very venerable suddenly being in a situation where he had control again after living so long under Gideon’s.

“My only rule is for you to always be honest with me.” Aaron said careful after chewing it over for a moment. “If you don’t like something I want you to tell me, alright?”

“Yes Sir.” Spencer answered. Aaron sighed a little, it looked like the boy wasn’t going to drop that just because he said so. He could order him to call him Aaron, or even just insinuate it was a ‘rule’ but that would be playing into Gideon’s games so he kept his mouth shut and went back to eating.

——————

Aaron Hotchner was either a very boring family man or the most accomplished sociopath Spencer had ever met. His large apartment was exactly what one might expect from a workaholic divorced FBI agent. He’d expect to find something like Gideon’s cage in a closet somewhere. I mean what did the man plan to do with him when he was away at work? Maybe he’d chain him to the bed, that would a nice change of pace. God Spencer hoped that was it and Hotchner wouldn’t lock him in some small hidden room somewhere he hadn’t been shown yet.

For some unknowable reason Hotchner had still been keeping up the pretense of rescue. Maybe he needed someone at least somewhat willing to get off on so that’s why he was treating Spencer like a house guest rather than … well what was he anyways? He had been Spencer the genius college student but he wasn’t that anymore and trying to act like he was just a normal person was so draining. He wished Hotchner had just let him eat on the floor so he could feel even just a little like things were okay even without Gideon here.

Because Spencer knew who he was, he was Gideon’s perfectly broken boy. But without Gideon here … he was just broken. He thought things would be easier going home with Hotchner, that when they got there he could rework himself to be perfect for Hotchner. At least until Gideon came back to get him. But infuriatingly the man wouldn’t let him. He made him sit at the table, he talked to him like he was a house guest, he made him choose the food like Spencer’s head wasn’t spinning the whole time trying to figure out what the right and wrong answers were.

Maybe that was Hotchner’s game, maybe he liked to see him squirm not knowing what the rules were?

‘My only rule is for you to always be honest with me’, it was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard and definitely, 100%, a trap to get him to do something wrong and then be punished for it. That was probably it, Spencer crowed inwardly as the pieces fell into place watching Hotchner finish his food while trying to look like he wasn’t watching Spencer. It made sense, this Hotchner clearly wasn’t anywhere near as sick as Gideon was, although he probably would get off on Spencer’s pain he felt like he’d need and explicit reason to do so.

So he could keep going with this strange charade of pretending to be the recused victim until the man snapped, threw him on the bed, and took exactly what he wanted. Or …

“So what do you want to do today?” Hotch piped up watching him.

Or he could give the man a reason to punish him.

“I want to the mall.” It was the most ludicrous thing he could think of, lots people and crowds, plenty of ways he could escape. He could guess Hotchner was not the kind of man to enjoy that kind of outing even if he wasn’t trying to hold Spencer captive. There were security cameras, witness, there was just no way Hotchner would even dare chance it. Spencer gulped knowing he’d just given the man the perfect excuse to beat him till he couldn’t even think about walking, he’d offered himself up on a silver platter and now it was time for Hotchner to-

“That’s a good idea, you could use some clothes that aren’t my hand-me-downs.”


	9. The Mall

Okay so maybe it wasn’t the greatest idea. Reid is practically clinging to his arm so hard there’s going to be bruises there, nothing he can’t handle but still. He can feel the blunt fingernails digging in even through his jacket. He’d gone more casual than usual hoping it would help set the boy at ease. Normally he was a suit and tie kind of guy, at the very least a button up, even on casual outings. He’d had to rummage around in the back of the closet to find a polo shirt and his running jacket. He’d had to go even further to find something for Spencer, he’d settled on an old pair of sweat pants that could be tied tight enough that they wouldn’t slip off the boys slim hips and an old band shirt he thought Hayley had thrown away. The thought of his ex-wife brought nerves to the surface. He’d texted her asking to meet up at the Mexican place a few blocks from his apartment tonight. Luckily it wasn’t that out of the ordinary of a request, they often caught dinner together when they could to talk about Jack and at least have some semblance of co-parenting.

Reid pressed closer to him and winced as a crowed of teenagers past them by. He’d been like this since they entered the damn place and since Hotch was rarely here on his own they’d managed to park on the wrong side of the building and would need to walk all they way through all these damned people just to reach the clothes store. If it wasn’t for the fact that the boy had suggested it he would have turned them right around and resorted to ordering off the internet.

At least he wasn’t shaking, yet.

The boy was completely silent and after what felt like eons they finally made it to the shop. He was hoping here at least Reid would loosen up a little but that didn’t seem to be happening any time soon. Hotch gently guided them towards the mens section snagging hand basket on the way.

“Go on.” He nudged Reid towards a rack of underwear because if they got nothing else they needed to at least get that. The boy just stood there staring at it like it was a dog about to bite him. Sighing Hotch pressed him closer.

“What do you usually wear?” His voice must have showed some of his annoyance because Spencer cowered seemingly to instinctively go to his knees. Hotch caught him before he could and he hoped to anyone watching it looked like Spencer had fallen and he was just helping him up. “Do you want to go home?”

But Spencer shook his head vigorously his hand shooting out to grab a pack and random and fling it into the basket. Hotch pressed him on sparing a glance at Spencer’s choice just to make sure they were even remotely the right size.

Next was pants, with more nudging form Hotch he approached the racks with a bit more confidence. He reached out his hand towards a pair of jeans and then jerked it back like he’d been burned. He shot Hotch a look and Hotch tired to give him a reassuring smile.

Through gentle encouragement they made progress. He didn’t want to pick things out for the boy but he found if he steered him towards a specific selection and asked the boy which of two things he liked best he’d actually get an answer. Two pairs of jeans, three slacks, and two pairs of pajama pants later they were standing in front of the dressing room. The lady at the counter handed them their number tag and directed them to the changing rooms pointing out it was one person per room.

They stood in front of the changing room door and again Reid seemed so lost. Hotch handed him the pants.

“Go on, let’s see if they fit.”

Once the boy was securely behind the door he let his mask drop a little. It hurt so much more than it had any right to to see someone like this. He thought between unsubs and crime scenes he’d seen the worst of what humanity could do to each other but he was wrong. He’d never had to see the aftermath like this, the slow agonizing healing process.

Getting his head on straight he sent a quick text to Emily updating her on what he’d found out about Gideon showing Spencer cases. Emily texted back quickly.

_How is he?_

He didn’t even know how to begin to answer that and thankfully at that moment the boy in question slipped out of the changing room.

“These ones fit.” He said quietly slipping one pair of jeans, two slacks, and both the pjs into the hand basket.

“You’re doing really well.” Hotch assured him and as they exited the changing room and slipped an arm around Spencer waist pulling him in close. The boy leaned into the touch gratefully.

The shirt section was dealt with in much the same manner. He caught Spencer fingering a large able knit sweater and even though the boy tried to leave it behind Hotch snatched it up. After going through the changing room again Reid deposited three sweater vest, four button ups, and two t-shirts into the basket. Hotch was starting to regret not grabbing a cart but it would be more difficult to navigate and still keep his arm around Reid.

When they reached the shoe section he could feel the boy starting to run out of what ever determination kept him going. Mindful that he was still healing physically as well Hotch had him sit on one of the benches while he set about looking for something more comfortable than the old tennis shoes that were one size too large. When he came back with a few selections Reid was sitting right where he left him looking frozen in terror.

“What’s wrong?” Hotch was beside him in an instant although the bench wasn’t big enough for both of them the boy crowed in close to him burring his face in his chest shaking a little. Hotch patted his back and whispered soothing words shooting death glares at anyone passing by who looked like they might say something.

“I thought you left me.” Spencer croaked out.

“Never.” Hotch promised fiercely hugging his tighter.

When he calm enough Hitch slipped down to the floor on his knees in front of Spencer to help his try on the shoes. The boy blushed scarlet but he didn’t resist.

Luckly one of the pair of shoes he’d found actually fit, they were converse of all things be he wasn’t about to chance leaving Spencer again so they’d have to do. The boy did look at least the slightest bit pleased with a small smile playing on his lips.

“I always wanted a pair, in high school everyone else had them.” He said wistfully gave a small chuckle.

“They suit you.”

He was about to help Spencer to his feet when he noticed the boy staring at a pair of baby blue bunny slippers with floppy ears.

“Do you want those?”

“They look soft.” Spencer’s voice was small again, he wouldn’t meet Hotch’s eyes. The bunny slippers went into the basket as well.

Checkout proved to be another challenge. The cashier stared openly at Spencer and the boy shrank away from the man’s gaze.

Soon they were outside again and he could feel Spencer breath a sigh of relief. They took the long way around the mall to avoid having to go through the crowds again. Spencer was walking slowly and again Hotch cursed himself for parking in the wrong place. He shouldn’t be walking this much.

By the time they reached the car Spencer was limping and Hitch had to help him up into the passenger seat. Once they were back in the car, alone, Spencer seemed to deflate sinking into the seat. His eyes where drooping. It was only fifteen minutes back to the apartment but by the time they got there Spencer was asleep. Hocth pull up to his parking spot and turned off the ignition. For a moment he just sat there watching Specner’s chest rising and falling and his breath fogging up the window. He took out his phone and shot a quick text back to Emily.

_He’s coping. Any word on Gideon?_

_We got his cell records, there was a text from someone warning him that we were coming._

Fuck they had a mole _._ Hotch felt anger rising in him _._

_The last call he mad was to the home phone, it was 30 seconds. I need you to ask Spencer about it._

_Will do._

He turned to the boy to see he was awake and watching him.

“Come on let’s get you inside.” Hotch gave him a smile.

He ended up carrying both Spencer and the bags but the boy didn’t seem to mind. Snagging pjs, the sweater, and the pack of underwear he ushered the boy towards the bathroom before making his way to the kitchen and looking through the takeout menus again. Figuring Spencer had probably had enough of choosing things for one day he placed an order for more food than they could possible eat.

“Sir?” He was started by the soft voice behind him. Spencer stood in the doorway looking happier than he ever seen the boy. A small smile played across his face as he fidgeted with long sleeves of the sweater. He’d managed to grab one that was three sizes too big but he couldn’t regret the choice because Spencer looked so happy.

“Yes Spencer?”

The boy couldn’t meet his eye again and was looking like he was about to try and kneel.

“It’s okay, what do you need?” He made his voice as soft as possible and it seemed to do the trick.

“P-p-please?” Was all Spencer managed to say as he held his arms out. 

And there was nothing in the world that could keep Hotch from marching over and scooping the boy up again.

They ended up on the couch with Spencer half in his lap watching some random cop show with the volume down low. Spencer wasn’t quite asleep but Hotch could swear if he was a cat he’d be purring. He was all relaxed leaning into Hotch’s chest, legs tangled with his.

—————

That night after another filling meal and wrapped in clothes, real clothes, soft clothes that were his and his alone, Hotchner tucked him into bed. He tired to pull the man back down again, tried to guide his hand under the blanket and tell him he could have him any way he wanted. Spencer wanted to thank him for everything, for the kindness and the hugs and just everything. But Hotchner pulled away saying something about work he had to do.

He wanted to stay up and wait for Hotchner to come to bed but sleep was fast approaching. He curled up clutching one of the pillows to his chest. He tried to pretend that it was Gideon he was holding, tried to remember his smell, the starch of his stubble, the way his fingers felt against his skin. But all he could picture was Aaron Hotchner.


	10. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no update, I got a lot of plot ideas and this fic was originally supposed to end in a couple of chapters but I'm going to keep it going.

Spencer shifted again and stifled a yawn. He’d woken up after only a few hours asleep, screaming himself awake to the image of Gideon holding a knife. He’d found a note from Hotchner telling him he was going out of the few hours, there was a small disposable cell phone next to the note with only Hotchner’s number programed into it. For a brief moment he considered seeing of the phone could make any other calls, like to Jenifer it would be nice to hear a friendly voice again, but he squashed that idea. Instead Spencer reluctantly shrugged off his new clothes and went to kneel at the front door awaiting Hotchner’s return. It was the only thing that made sense to do.

————

Haley sat back taking it all in. He’d be planing to wait till their food arrived but it all just spilled out before the appetizers had even been put on the table. She wouldn’t look his in the eyes yet, she just stared out at the passing cars.

“I’m glad you finally found him.” Her voice of soft and he wanted to let out a sigh of relief but he knew he wasn’t in the clear yet. She had brought Jack over early one day and seen the whole case spreed out in the living room. She hadn’t asked him to back off it like she would have in the old days.

“I didn’t expect to ever see him alive.” Aaron confessed, it was the first time he’d say it aloud, that thought that had been haunting him.

“I understand why you did what you did.” She finally tore her eyes away from the street outside and looked at him.

“But?” He knew her too well to not know when a but was coming.

“I can’t expect you to tell me everything you decided to do with your life, BUT when it effects our child …” She trailed off looking out the window again. “You can’t take back this choice can you?”

“Would you have me dump him on some strangers after promising to keep him safe?”

“Of course not Aaron, and I can’t believe you really think I’m capable of something like that.”

Silence fell as his face colored in shame. She was one of the most compassionate person he knew and he felt like such an ass hole for insinuating otherwise. Just then the waiter slid a plate of nachos to share between them, Haley smiled and thanked him like nothing was wrong. Like Aaron hadn’t completely turned their lives upside-down without even having the courtesy to forewarn her.

“I’m sorry.” He bowed his head.

“I won’t have Jack around him till … I don’t even know.” She sighed deeply, picked up a chip, put it back down.

“He won’t hurt Jack.”

“I want to meet him.”

“Okay.”

“When?”

“Thursday?”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” She started eating.

It had gone better than he could have expected but he still felt lingering guilt over the way he’d handled everything. Sighing he opened his apartment door and nearly stumbled over something in the doorway. Hotch stared down dumbfounded at the sight of Spencer kneeling naked in the doorway.

“Oh Spencer.” It slipped past his lips, words laced with disappointment, before he could think and he instantly regretted the words as the boy began to sob. Not giving himself a chance to second guess his instincts he knelt down, draping his coat over the boys shoulders and hauling him into his lap.

Spencer clung to him gratefully sob wracking his chest, breathing in through big gulps. He buried his head in Hotch’s shoulder and Hotch held him even tighter stroking his hair. Spencer wept and shook. He kept trying to pull himself together, every few minuets he’d get up the courage to try and look up apology trembling on his lips but he’d loose it only managing to get a few words out before he was crying again and clinging to Aaron.

They stayed like that even as Aaron’s left leg went numb until finally Spencer’s breathing was more or less even and he’d stoped shaking.

“I’m going to move us to the couch now is that okay?”

Spencer managed a tight nod. Without having to be asked Hotch picked him up and carried the boy the short distance. He set Spencer down on the couch and the boy instantly curled in on himself, drawing his knees up to his chest.

“I’m just going to the other room to get you some clothes is that okay?”

Spencer looked up at him big brown eyes red from crying and clearly he hated the idea but he nodded again.

Practically sprinting to the bedroom Aaron scooped up the pajama pants, sweater, and slippers from where they were folded on the bed. He allowed himself a quick moment to toe off his shoes, discard his button up shirt, and change into a pair of sweat pants.

But the time he made to the couch Spencer was shaking again, when the boy saw him he tried to get up ready to fling himself into Hotch’s arms but Hotch held out the clothes.

“Here, I’m sure you’re cold.” He gave Spencer a weak smile.

“Please Sir …” Spencer’s bottom lip began to tremble. “I don’t need …” He couldn’t seem to finish the sentence. Hotch stood with the clothes outstretched as Spencer worked through it. Finally the boy looked up. “Wouldn’t you prefer me without them Sir?”

“No Spencer, I’d prefer you be comfortable.”

The boy look down tears welling up in his eyes again and hitch couldn’t figure out what he’d said to make the boy look as if he’d just struck him. After another silent moment Spencer grudgingly took the clothes and began to dress himself. Aaron turned away but be caught the look of absolute despair on Spencer’s face. It rocked him and for the first time he thought maybe he couldn’t do this all on his own. Maybe Spencer would be better off with people who understood what he was going through, why he was reacting like this. Maybe he was a bad man for trying to keep the boy here.

Spencer cleared his throat and he turned back around. The boy was standing thankfully clothed but his shoulders were hunched, he was caved in on himself and if he was trying to make himself so small he winked out of existence. Aaron concluded he probably was a complete and selfish fool as he guided Spencer to the couch again. Spencer shrank back against the armrest scooting as far away from Hotch as possible and curling up again. Aaron took a seat on the opposite side not wanting to crown the boy.

“I think I finally understand.” Spencer’s voice was small and cracked a little at the end. “I’m only perfect for Gideon.” He mumbled. A million questioned jumped to his mind but he stayed quiet, Spencer had been holding on to something since they met and he had a feeling he was about to find out what. “I thought … when you came for me I thought it was because … because you wanted me.” Spencer’s voice broke as a tear rolled down his cheek. On instinct Aaron reached out but the boy flinched so Aaron retreated. “I was stupid to think that, to think you could want me after … I’m Gideon’s, I’m perfect for Gideon, he made me …he broke me for him.” The boy shuttered. “I know now that you’re just holding me till my real Master gets back.” Finally Spencer looked his in the eyes again silent tears making their way down his face.

Rage filled him so hot he felt his vision blur for a second.

“I will kill that man with my bare hands if he ever even thinks of touching you again.” His voice came out all ragged and sharp. Spencer stared back at him eyes wide with confusion. “Spencer,” he softened his voice, “why do you think I offered to take you home with me?”

“Because … well … you’re with the FBI.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Gideon had to go away, I’d guess one of your teammates figured out what he was doing and he couldn’t take me with him so as long as everyone thought I was safe with you you can just give me back to Gideon when … when ever he comes back?” He sounded less sure of himself staring at Hotch wearily.

“Did Gideon tell you all that? We know you were the last person he called before he left.”

“He said ‘I’m going away for a little while Spencer, my good friend Aaron Hotchner is going to take care of you, you have to obey him like obey me.’” Spencer repeated it word for word like he memorized it. It all made horrible horrible sense.

“Spencer I’m not like Gideon, I don’t want you to obey me, I’m not trying to keep you here.” He didn’t know what he could say to make the boy believe, Spencer just stared back at him guarded and confused and looking so small and helpless. Aaron stood and strode to his office quickly nabbing the three boxes he had labeled Spencer Reid.

The boy watched his every move as he spread out the boxes contents on the living room floor and began to explain everything. He recounted every detail of what had happened since Spencer was kidnapped. Professor Buch begging him to take the case. The chemistry teacher rotting in jail. Linking the other murders to Spencer’s disappearance. Every agonizingly small piece of evidence he’d had. Brining the team into the case, and finally the crushing realization that Gideon had been the one all along. He let his all pour out, he told Spencer of the nights he was sure he’d find the boy dead and the long days calling everyone he could think of to get the case re-opened.

Slowly Spencer uncurled himself, slid off the couch, and began looking over the files. Aaron let him, it was probably some breach of protocol but he didn’t care, he’d break every damn rule there was if it got Spencer to see he was safe now. The boy tore through the stacks of paper scanning them quickly and setting them aside in a neat pile. He took special care reading over Aaron hastily scribbled notes. He wanted to snatch those away but he didn’t dare make a move. They were probably largely incomprehensible full of half baked theories, leads that never panned out, speculations on what Gideon did to his victims, and … well the occasional full blow written breakdown over his failure to solve the case.

He took his mind off of such dark times by watching in wonder at how faster Spencer could read. Of course he’d seen this all in Spencer’s file but reading about it and see the boy genius at work in front of him where two very different things.

Finally Spencer stilled having reached the end of the pile, he cradled one of Aaron note’s in his lap like it was something precious. He recognized it was the first of many drafts of his resignation letter.

“I thought no one was looking for me.”

“I’m so sorry Spencer, I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”

For the second time that day he could himself with a lap full for crying Spencer but this time the boy just kept whispering over and over again.

“You were looking for me?”


End file.
